It’s Inside You, You Can Find It Too
By MJ Wright
I used to be a what if girl. Incessantly worrying what if this goes wrong, or that goes wrong. What if I put all this work into something and it all goes to pot and all that time is wasted. What if I put myself out there and get shot down or worse, what if I get shamed and made to look like a fool. What if the man I fell in love with leaves me, what if I lose him, what if I get sick, what if I can’t pay my bills. The list goes on and on and on.
Well let me tell ya, all that happened plus a heck of a lot more. I have seen the darkest of days and I survived. I held my breath and swam through the murky waters to rise up and live again, finding happy here and there wherever I could find it. I searched and searched for it. I looked to other people to make it happen for me, I looked to a job to fulfill me. I was a Mama for a lot of years and that gave me extraordinary joy and happiness but still I searched. My love for animals gave me connection, love, acceptance and even companionship. But still I searched.
On that 5000 km journey I found it. I found my happy, it was inside of me all along, I just couldn’t see it through all the muck of my life.
It is inside you. You can find it too. You can open up that place and when you do, you are able to build a foundation of strength. A foundation that cannot be shaken by any storm life can throw at you. It doesn’t matter if people let you down, if they hurt you, it doesn’t matter if you don’t get the job or the house. Whatever life throws at you the foundation remains strong, vibrant, and steadfast in the belief that no matter what, we will get through it, we will rise up out of the muck and we will not only survive but thrive in the midst of the challenge.
The best part is when you open up that place and clean out all the cobwebs and icky spiders of shame, you realize that you really can do anything you want to do, if only you believe in yourself.
I do not know where my life will end up, but I do know that I am building that foundation stronger and stronger every day. I am strengthening my backbone, my courage and my resiliency. I am dreaming big and I won’t settle for anything less. I know that it is up to ME and me alone to make my life like I want it to be. And nothing is going to stop me, not illness, not circumstances, not fate, nothing.
I have faith, in myself, in God and in the greater good. I will get to where I’m going as long as I don’t give up.